January 28, 2008 ; 4:32 AM♥
❤ Be my SunShine {:
fine, what am i doing in the middle of the dawn.
4.40am to be exact. =.=;;;
i supposed to sleep in this time, but i couldnt sleep.
i fell asleep around 1am, and suddenly i woke up with uneasy feeling a hour ago.
then. . .
i found myself was staring at the ceiling, completely blank and lost.
things kept playing in mind, lots though stroke my peanut sized brain.
and then the sudden realization hit me.
i've made the biggest mistake in my life.
i feel the urge to cry right now.
what did i do? >.<;;;
i think i have to calm myself down. i dun wanna talk to anybody. T.T
i need some time to be alone. i need to dwell on lots thing with my fckin mind.
i think "that" is the biggest mistake i've done on 19years of breathing and immature life i have.
i better keep this matter for myself only T.T;;
and dun ask me whats the problem >.<;; i wanna sharing about this with someone that i consider bestie, but i can't.
OMG, u r so dead milky.
i never know what i've done could turn the situation like this until today.
feel like killing myself right now.
is this the result of refusing to grow up?
i admitted that i always refused to grow up. coz of what?
living an adult life isnt as simple as when u where a kiddo.
when u can cry as long as u want if u feel unhappy.
when u can laugh as loud as u want if u feel happy.
i think maybe this is the right time to fix myself. the right time to learn how to make up my mind.
i realized this is too late, but i dun want to repeat the same mistake again.
i fckin clear that, alr too late if u want to grow up right now, but human will never learn if they havent realize their mistake no?
I MISS MY MOM GODDAMN MUCH!
*rolls on the floor*
mom, u know that i never talk about what i feel right? what i've in my mind, my opinion over something, and u never tell me those things also. whats wrong with our relationship these past 7years??
everything changed when u dragged ur feet out from this crib. i miss those time when i was in junior high school, u waited for me to come home, had lunch together and chit chat happily before go to bed. how i wish i could turn back the time.
mom, how long i have to wait? i'm waiting for 7years ady.
time flies so fast, until i din realize that i'm 19years old alr, i feel like just yesterday i finished my primary school.
about other thing that bothering my mind in the same time, i think i've gone too far, dragged along too deep until i dunno how to escape. messed up with my mind about this matter too many times. but still, couldnt find the answer, and i just sink deeper. maybe one day i will drowning death? XDDDDDDD
i also have to make up my mind on this matter T.T i dun want someday will be the death of me bcoz i go too far too far until got trapped and never find the exit.
WOAH~
feel much better after blurted out whats on my mind.
but still, give me 1-2days to calm myself down.
after that i'll be back to the cheerful milkie like nothing happened. =]
P.S : I miss u too darling =D i also cannot sleep in here T.T
maybe back home is such a bad idea. just made my mood gloomyP.P.S : my deepest condolence for cendana family. Goodbye eyang harto, i'm sure will miss u someday. The way u rock our stupid country, the way u sepak with that "ken" accent XD
omg i feel like i just lost a grandpaP.P.P.S : T off-shoot rules!
